Dear Ash,

I don’t know what it is that causes me to do this, but I always tend to settle for less. This is normally when it comes to guys. I get really frustrated because I let guys mistreat me, even though I know it’s wrong. I want to change and I want to make a stand, but I don’t know how.

Anonymous

Dear Won’t-Settle-Less-From-Now-On,

First off, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are not alone, my dear, I believe most girls (if not all) go through this at least one point in their lives.

First I want you to ask yourself one simple question: why are you letting these guys treat you poorly?

Normally, this is a result of not having a positive self image of yourself, leading you to think you don’t deserve someone who would treat you well. Normally it’s because you don’t think you are worthy of true love. Maybe this belief started when you were younger, maybe even on the playground during recess. Who knows. But no matter how it started, we know that there is an insecurity issue here. And an insecurity issue is a heart issue, the one we should get to the bottom of immediately.

Sometimes it is hard to believe we are worthy of good things. Sometimes we think good things are incapable for us to attain, so we give up hope. This is normally a result of a being let down by someone at one point in our lives. This is a false truth that most fall into after being hurt. You are believing something that is just letting yourself stoop into more insecurity, which leads you to settle for less from boys continually.

This is a lack of confidence issue. To defeat this, you have to work on what you think of yourself.

You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are unstoppable. You are a diamond. You are more splendid than the shiniest of rubies! You were made uniquely to benefit the world in your own, fabulous way.

You have to start believing this. You have to start believing that you, friend, are worth it.

Then and only then will you be able to understand what you deserve in a man.

A guy will only respect you to the extent at which you respect yourself. So if you don’t think good things of yourself, chances are you don’t respect yourself too much, leading the guy easily able to push you around.

However, when you throw on that sassy pair of shoes I know you have and walk out the door with the attitude that you do respect yourself because you are one-in-a-bajillion, that’s when you will be respected. If you let the guy treat you like crap, constantly being hot and cold with you, getting with other girls, (the list goes on and on) he is going to KEEP doing those things.

However, if you put your foot down immediately when you feel disrespected in the relationship, he will understand that he cannot do those things if he wants to be with you. And this will make you way more attractive to him, because every guy likes a confident woman. Every man likes a challenge.

Above all, my prayer is that you learn how valuable you are. You are incredible, with or without a man. Maybe this would be a good time in your life to take a break from guys to focus on building your self worth. This would not make you selfish, this would make you a healthy woman wanting to treat herself well.

You have so much to offer to this world, so focus on this truth. You should never settle for less, because you owe yourself more than that. The man of your dreams will come at the right time, but meanwhile, you will be shining like the star you are.

Xoxo,

Ash