Being a friend to someone is truly a gift. And the good news is that everyone has the ability to be one. You can be a blessing to anyone at anytime.

Many of us develop selfish thinking and focus on the thought, who is treating me well? We look at ourselves and what we need rather than casting our eyes on the needs of others. Thinking this way, however, will leave you discontented and with a lack of meaningful relationships.

The key to friendship isn’t to focus on who is being a good friend to you. Instead, true selflessness is found when you focus on how you can be a good friend to others. After time spent with friends, we need to shift our thinking from: how did they meet my needs? How did they make me happy? What did they do for me? to: Did I love them the way they most feel loved? How did I encourage them? How did I uplift them? This change of mindset will surely make the world, and your relationships, a better place.

It’s easy to get confused on what a good friend looks like. I know I screw up all of the time on loving people the way they should be loved. But being a loyal and wonderful blessing is only a few steps away, with a few steps of guidance.

1. Invest, invest, invest!

One of the most important qualities of a good friend is how much time you invest in the relationship. Do you encourage your friend and inspire her to be the woman God made her to be, ask about her life, or remember the important things she tells you? Are you helping her up when she falls and rejoicing with her when she flourishes?

These are all key factors of a good friend. A friend needs to love as they would want to be loved. I am sure we all want to have people ask about our lives, encourage us continually, and grab us our favorite order of Chinese food when we have failed an exam. So if we would like to be treated this way, it’s only necessary we should treat our sisters the same.

You should always value others above yourself. Even though it can be incredibly uncomfortable, this mindset will positively impact those around you.

2. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable

Talking about life with some yummy, deliciously unhealthy Mexican food. What could be better?!

Something that bothers me is when people tell me they feel they need to look cute when they’re with me. The last thing I want my friends to believe is they have to put on a face when they are with me. I want my friends to feel they can be with me just as they are: in sweats, puffy eyes, bun and everything.

We need to focus on being more vulnerable with friends so they can be more vulnerable. Even to cry and open up about things that are tough to make the other person feel safe and comfortable to do the same. True friendship is about being real, so let your walls down and let people in.

3. Don’t be afraid to be “too much”

Some of us are terrified of going first. After just finishing my first year of college, I can recall plenty of times when I did not have the motivation to reach out to someone I recently met and saw friendship potential in.

Instead of being a slave to the fear of being rejected, I decided to reach out anyway. Better to go first and have it not work out, than to never try and always wonder what-if. Plus, the worst thing that can happen is they say no, and you move on to someone else and that relationship can grow instead.

Additionally, if you worry you’ll be “too much” if you want to bring your friend soup when she’s sick, or buy her a smoothie just because you know she loves them, or show up knocking on her dorm room when you know she is going through a tough time, think again. You might be on the fence about it, but do these things anyway. Chances are, even if this person thinks you’re a weirdo at the time, she will appreciate it eventually. And when she sees someone who is struggling, and feels the need to love them unconditionally, she’ll remember how much your love and actions meant to her. A little kindness goes a long, long way.

4. Love people where they are at

I struggle with holding unreachable expectations for the people in my life, and it shows my area of perfectionism. I try to imagine how everything should be in my life and how certain people should act and behave. But I am at fault for thinking I can control everything. We will never, ever be perfect human beings. Instead, we will grow together to be better versions of ourselves, and this is a beautiful aspect of friendship.

To turn away from being a friend to someone because you don’t approve of their lifestyle is hate, people. This is selfish and prideful thinking.

Instead, choose to believe that every single person is in your life for a reason. And you aren’t called to rescue them or change them, but to love them. Right where they are at.

It’s safe to say being a loving friend is not always easy, but it is one of the greatest gifts you can give to the world. No matter if it’s your family member, coworker, or bestie from preschool, you can always be a friend to somebody else.

Go and be a blessing, ladies.

Xoxo,

Ash