I’ve got a confession, friends.

I’m a control freak.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a worrier. Even my 6th grade soccer coach told me how I should stop overthinking things. Unfortunately, I find myself thinking of the worse case scenario, and how I can prepare for it best.

Can you relate?

For The Control Freaks at The Honey Scoop

I’ve been living my whole life like this, trying to control everything, living in fear that I need to figure out my life and that if I don’t then I’ll be screwed.

And because I find myself believing that it’s all in my control, I just get more frustrated. More anxious. But then this sweet verse comes to mind.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Look to him and he will make your paths straight.” Prov. 3:5-6

A lot of people love this verse, and I was one of them. I still am. But it took me awhile to really let these words sink in. I liked the way they sounded, but it was head knowledge, not heart knowledge. I still worried and worried, thinking that my life was in my own hands.

I’ll admit that these thoughts encircle me, and that I get really frustrated with God, when something bad happens. Below is an example of how dramatic I am:

How on earth is this going to work out?

If you loved me, why would you do this?

This is the absolute worst thing that could happen. Don’t you care??

And I can just imagine God looking at me and rolling his eyes, going, “you have no idea what amazing things I am doing.” And that reminds me of John 13:7: “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

Something I didn’t want, something that I don’t think is best based off of my outlook on life (because I know what’s best, right?).

Here’s the cycle: something bad happens, I question and research the best possible outcomes, and I lean on my own strength. I end up getting exhausted and forgetting about God completely. But no amount of research can tell me what’s best for my life. It can help me get there, but it is not the end all be all.

And I do think God leaves us in times of silence for a reason. He doesn’t give us answers because he wants to test our faith in him. He is no a magic genie, after all.

Are you a Buzzfeed quiz girl? Because I lean on quizzes way too often. Definitely a guilty pleasure. I’m talking about the, “Take this quiz and find out what your future career will be.” I fall for those just about every time.

But the truth is, I don’t have a single clue what is best for me. And neither does BuzzFeed.

This year, God has been teaching me a lot. Sophomore year has been so, so sweet. It’s been fruitful. I’m surrounded by more community than I ever have in my life. My boyfriend, brother, and best friends all live in the same place. I now have a business. I’m studying what I love.

But it’s also been hard.

A person I love dearly had something bad happen to them that wasn’t in their plans. Because I care and love this person immensely, I took it all on my shoulders to fix what happened.

To be vulnerable, I thought I knew what was best for this person. It consumed me that their life wasn’t working out the way that I planned it too.

So in my striving to make everything better, I kept finding myself at a dead-end. Nothing was working. At the end of my days, I was left feeling empty and exhausted.

So one day, I prayed this:

God, I don’t know what the heck you’re doing. But I don’t care anymore. I don’t have the energy anymore to fix this. I trust that you will work out all things for the good. 

And amazing things started happening.

The Lord started showing up in my friend’s life in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Beautiful ways that were perfect for the season that this person was going through.

And he didn’t need me to do that.

I felt so small, but in a good way. I was being taught how to trust. How to have faith. And that certainly, whether I like it or not, I am not in control of what happens to me or to the people I love. But I am in control of how I respond.

One of my favorite verses in the world is this:

Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

The synonyms for the word “delight” are happiness, joy, glee, gladness; excitement, amusement; bliss, rapture, elation, euphoria. 

Ladies, all we gotta do is find our joy in Jesus and trust that he knows what he’s doing. And he will figure out the rest.

This doesn’t mean we should never work toward things, but that we need to take steps of faith toward what he’s calling us to. In my case, I didn’t just stop caring and loving my friend when I let go of control. I still supported them every day in what they were going through. But what changed was how I looked at the situation.

It’s about knowing no matter what, God will work out all things for the good.

And this is the lesson behind it all. If we don’t believe in this truth, we will be left feeling exhausted and out of air and down in the dumps. We weren’t meant to live this way.

I don’t know about you, but I wish I would’ve given up control a long, long time ago.

The peace is worth it.

Xo,

Ash

Download this printable below for a reminder to trust instead of worry!