Why we shouldn’t put our self-worth in what others think.

Last night, I learned a powerful lesson about rejection. Only I had to fall on my face to learn it.

Let me set the scene: I was going out to a bar with my friends for the OSU game. And if you’ve ever gone out before, you know it’s easy to look at yourself and think, Do I look good enough? Does my makeup look okay? Will I get noticed?

So when my friend told me that one of her guy friends called me hot, I felt a big confidence boost. With that compliment, the thoughts of self-doubt got quieter. Though the word “hot” is a bit derogatory, it still made me feel good. So for the next 45 minutes, I was popping off, feeling uber-confident.

Then, flash forward to three hours later, when a guy I was chatting with looked at me and said: “I don’t think you’re hot.”

I had to do a double-take and ask, “What?” because I didn’t physically believe that someone would have the audacity to speak these words to another human. But yes, he repeated while looking me straight in the eyes, “I don’t think you’re hot.”

I felt rejection after feeling praised.

After that, I wanted to get the heck out of the bar. So I told my friend, and we were starting on our way out when…..

I fell.

Yes, you heard it correctly. I literally fell on my face.

There was a slippery spot on the floor that I totally didn’t see, and quickly I found myself staring at the dirty floor of the bar, accompanied by a sharp pain in my leg. I looked up and saw a circle of people all staring with wide-open mouths, shocked that someone just ate sh*t right in front of them. All I said was, “oh my God.” (yes – if you chuckled at reading about me falling, don’t feel bad because I am now laughing too.)

I fell after rejection. Literally.

This morning at church, I couldn’t help but think of the symbolism behind it all. The fact that at the beginning of the night, someone called me hot, and I felt great. And then at the end of the night, someone called me not hot, and I felt like crap. And then, moments after, I fell on my face.

It made me think that when we put our self-worth in other people’s opinions, we will fall on our face. We are placing our confidence on shaky ground, where any crushing word could knock us down.

One person will love you, one will hate you. One will want to be your friend and the other will talk badly about you behind your back. One guy will want to date you, the other will tell you to your face that he doesn’t think you’re hot. You’ll get bad reviews, hear gossip, or get rejected. People’s opinions of you will always change.

People’s opinions will always change.

I’ll be transparent with you right now, I have been struggling a lot with finding my worth in others opinions of me, specifically guys. Lately, I’ve been wrestling with believing that I’m not good enough, pretty enough, or skinny enough for a guy to love me. Just typing that out made me feel yucky, but I know that admitting that gives it less power.

So when this guy rejected me, and I felt crushed – I saw it as a sign that I have got to stop putting my worth in guy’s opinions of me. It’s never going to make me feel good enough, because their opinions are not a reliable source for my worth.

We have to find our self-worth in a place where it will not change. For me, I’m focusing on finding a lot of my worth in how God sees me. I know when I place man’s opinion of me higher than His opinion, my confidence plummets. When I focus on what God says about me, I feel ready to take on the world. I actually feel good about myself.

Of course, we are going to care what people think. That’s human nature. But to have your entire self-worth rely entirely on others’ opinions, that’s when your confidence will fail. And you will fall.

Let’s shift our focus away from what people think to the truth about who we are.

When I think of how God sees me, I think of these things:

• He molded me to be the person I am. He made the nose that I’m insecure about, the stomach that I sometimes try to suck in while looking in the mirror, and the mole on my back which should definitely get removed, but it made its way in the package. He is the potter and I am the clay – so how can I argue with the person who made me? Isaiah 64:8
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139
• I am more precious than rubies. Proverbs 31:10

When I give these thoughts more power than thinking about how a guy feels about me, I feel incredible. When I fixate on what a guy thinks of me, I feel insecure.

So I don’t know about you, but I’m getting up. I don’t know if rejection has knocked you down recently too – but I invite you to get up with me.

Let’s get up.

And together, instead of focusing on the rejection, we can fix our focus on the truth. That we are worth it, and we are enough. That truth will never change.

PS: I’d like to thank a guy’s impulsive thought and the dirty floor of a bar for bringing you this lesson. May we always get up after we fall.