We judge others based on what we feel insecure about.
Judging someone is easy. To say what’s really on your mind when the opportunity presents itself. To just simply say how we feel because we are right and this person just doesn’t quite get the message here.
Does this thinking sound familiar? I fall victim to it often. It’s incredibly easy to gossip about someone and judge someone – but these two aspects have recently been put in a whole new light for me.
We judge others based on what we are insecure about. I heard this in a book a couple months ago, and it has resonated and revealed to me yucky things in my heart I didn’t even know were there.
When I heard this, I was put off guard. No way there could be a correlation between the two. I felt that if someone was doing or saying something wrong, and I felt was not the best thing to do, then acknowledging the problem would only make it better. I would close this with an “I’ll pray for them” so I end up feeling just a little more justified in my gossip.
But then I started putting this information into action and paying attention to what exactly I was getting so pissed about.
I started to pay attention to what I would judge others for.
When I paid more attention to when my judging radar would go up, it was almost always correlated with my insecurities. For so long I felt I was judging someone because I knew better, but I was judging because there was a part of me that didn’t feel completely secure in that area.
I am admitting this not to make you feel awful about yourself because I am such a culprit of this behavior. It’s crucial for us to be free, especially from secret things that come in a disguise like “I’ll pray for her”.
Gossiping and looking down on others will accomplish absolutely nothing. Ziltch. Squat. We are wasting precious minutes, time, and headspace by tearing someone apart just because there’s a part of ourselves where we feel a lack.
Here are some examples of how insecurities go hand and hand with judging:
- Maybe whenever this one girl comes up in conversation, you feel the need to rip her to shreds. But think about this girl in your story. Was she the girl who your ex-boyfriend moved on to? Maybe he has a history with her? You’re insecure about the relationship ending, and that you’re maybe not good enough, and this girl dug into that already-existing insecurity.
- Or maybe you judge people who dress a certain way. Maybe they have a lot of money, and their clothes reveal that. Secretly, you are insecure that you don’t measure up with how much money you have and the clothes you have. You feel that because you don’t have the right clothes, people won’t accept you. So you drag this girl down with you.
- Maybe you are tearing down a couple and dissecting how they need to improve their relationship. You judge them because deep down, you are insecure about your own relationship life. Tearing down other relationships makes you feel better about being the single one.
See how these judgemental thoughts only dig a deeper hole in our insecurity? Judging others is a distraction from what is already there in our own lives. The more we judge someone about a speck in their eye, the more we ignore the speck in our own.
Jesus even has some wisdom on this. He says in Luke 8:7:
“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Luke 8:7
Jesus is saying that whenever you tear someone apart, you should only do so if you are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. And dear reader, I don’t even have to know you to know that we are far from perfect. I know I certainly am not. I fail every day, and more so. And because we fail, why on earth do we think we are in the authority to tear someone down for something they struggle with and ignore the crap in our own lives?
It’s easier to focus on other people’s problems than our own.
The truth is, gossip, envy, and bitterness will only hurt us in the end. I want us to recognize these thieves of joy, of moving on from hurt, and understanding a part of us that needs some attention.
Gossip, envy, and bitterness are the thieves of real security in our lives.
And ya know what, we are not perfect, so we know we are going to judge another person again. We would have to be Jesus if we were to never do that again. But we can either take this judging in two ways:
- Keep judging them and shaming them and thinking they need to get their life together.
- Look at ourselves and think, “What insecurity in my life is not getting the attention that relates to this situation?
We can look at when we judge others as a way to check in with our lives. Self-awareness is a good thing, friends. And when we are honest with ourselves, that’s when we can start acknowledging the problem.
Jesus wants us to “take every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Use that judgemental thought to understand your insecurities, and grow from them.
So instead of bringing another person down about something, let’s use this as an opportunity to take that judgemental thought captive and understand why the heck we are dragging this person down with our own problems.
Even though it feels temporarily satisfying to stand above someone for a second, or giving your two-sense – it’s only temporary satisfaction. It’s harder to acknowledge what we need to work on, but it will be better in the long run.
All in all, the best way to get to the root of a problem is acknowledging its presence. And by recognizing insecurity, we can tackle it and work on rebuilding our own foundation. Soon enough, we will find ourselves judging others less because we are becoming more and more content in who we are. And that, friends, is a victory in itself.