A man may not be perfect, but he should treat you with respect
In a dark time of my life, I did not know my worth. But now I have learned to never settle for less.
I would be with guys who didn’t really value me, and they made that clear. But I always hoped and hoped that it would get better, that he would want to meet my family, that he would want to take me on a date, that he would put his phone down when he was with me.
With time and a lot of gut feelings, I realized that I was being treated poorly because I was allowing it. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
If you’re looking at that with a sunken heart because you currently feel the same way, I want to encourage you. I made it out of this dark time a changed person. We are never trapped in our habits, and healthy relationships are possible.
Now, years later, I am with an amazing guy. He is caring, understanding, kind, patient and respectful. He is also chivalrous (I’m talking doors opened 24/7). I don’t say this to brag (okay, maybe a little), but I say this to show you that a good relationship is possible. It actually exists. Even if you’re in the muck right now, there is a bright light in the future, there are other options.
But, I would not be with my wonderful boyfriend today if I hadn’t stood up to those guys that did not respect me. If I didn’t follow my gut, I would have stayed in unhealthy relationships. I would probably question my worth.
And no man is worth us questioning our worth.
So maybe you’re in this in-between space, where you wonder if it will ever get better, or if you should walk away. I want to encourage you, and remind you of what you really deserve. It’s not wrong to know your worth.
1. You are worth more than midnight texts/ no texts at all
It is a healthy desire to want a guy to text you. At the beginning of the relationship, things are exciting and new, and there should be a lot of getting to know each other. If he always puts you on the back-burner, and never makes an effort to get to know you, that’s quite the warning sign.
And if he’s only interested in you at night, he is more interested in getting something out of you, instead of getting to know who you are. Forget the late-night texts, you deserve a man who will send you good morning texts.
2. You are worth dates
Maybe he always suggests free things to do together, like watching Netflix, or going to the dining hall, or going for a walk. And while these are good things, it is quite the warning sign if he never wants to take you on a proper date. It’s not good to make the guy broke, but it is not wrong to want to be taken out to eat, to a movie, or to the zoo. The beginning of the relationship is when he should be making the most effort, and you deserve that effort.
3. You are worth a family-man
If he does not want to get close with your family, this is a red flag. You deserve a man who wants to get to know your brother, your 5 sisters, your parents who raised you from the ground up, and even your crazy dogs (sounds weird but it’s TRUTH). If he hides in the car when he drops you off or picks you up, this means that he doesn’t want to get to know the people who are closest to you. And this is unacceptable.
4. You deserve the little things
This includes opening the door for you, giving you his jacket when you’re cold, and putting his phone away when you’re together. Though these things don’t seem like that big of a deal, they certainly start to add up. You deserve just a little more effort than necessary.
5. You deserve a guy who wants to show you off
Maybe when you two are together he makes a big deal of you, but in a public space he acts like you don’t exist. This is just not going to cut it. He should want to introduce you to every single close friend of his. He should flaunt you and shout to the entire party that he is so stinkin’ lucky to have you. OKAY, this is exaggeration, but if he acts like you suddenly don’t exist when you’re out and about, this is a bit sketchy. You deserve a guy who is proud to call you his.
6. You deserve compliments
If your man is never telling you how kind, beautiful, generous, passionate, hard-working, or fill-in-the-compliment-blank you are, then this is not a healthy place to be. If he never tells you things that are true and wonderful about you, then he is not making the effort to make you feel appreciated. And it is okay for you to want to feel loved. You deserve affirmation and kind words.
7. You deserve more.
You might be at the end of this and feel a queasy pit in your stomach, because you know you’re settling. I’ve been there, and I know how that feels. But there is freedom that comes when we choose to treat ourselves well. We gotta guard our hearts, and this means from guys who don’t see the value that is in us.
You may be afraid to walk away, like he might the best you can get. But there is more out there. In the meantime, you can ride solo and treat yourself with kindness and care. It is better to be alone than to be with a guy who lets you question your worth.
It is better to be alone than to be with a guy who lets you question your worth.
I am now with a wonderful guy, but it took me standing up to these men who did not respect me. When you set the standards for how you’ll be treated, he can either stay and respect that, or he can walk away. Better for him to walk away early in the game when you know his true intentions, then to be caught off guard years in the effort.
It’s not best to walk around looking for perfection, because no guy will check all the boxes and never frustrate you. We are humans after all. But it’s not wrong to expect respect.
It’s not wrong to expect respect.
It is okay for you stand up for yourself, and to believe that you deserve more. There is a freedom that comes when we stand up for how we want to be treated, when we don’t settle for less. And that freedom is worth it.
For more relationship advice, check out signs he doesn’t respect you.